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In today’s issue…
A look at how we respond to mistakes and what it leads to
Top podcast episodes of season 2
And more…
The biggest impact on the culture (or motivational climate as research calls it) that a coach creates is how they talk about and respond to mistakes.
My 7-year-old son is playing coach-pitch rec league baseball for the first time this spring.
I’m not coaching the team, so I have lots of time to observe from the bleachers.
I find myself paying as much attention to the interactions of the coaches and players as I do to the game itself.
I’m fascinated by how coaches respond or react to players’ mistakes, how they talk about mistakes, and what they do after mistakes.
First, it’s worth noting that many coaches just react to mistakes. It’s a bit ironic as most coaches preach at players about the need for them to respond with poise and control.
Response is controlled and intentional, reaction is unintentional and often out of control.
There’s a “Common Way” that many coaches respond to mistakes and there’s a “Better Way” that coaches can adopt to respond to mistakes.
“The Common Way”
Players inevitably make mistakes and coaches too often react out of their emotion.
Reactions from coaches to mistakes often include:
Verbal scolding or reprimand (upset tone, unhelpful words)
“Drooping” - Negative body language after mistakes (head down, shakes head, looks away, sighs, etc.)
Physical punishment (running, pushups, etc.)
Benching - Removal from the activity or game
Avoidance - Refusing to put the player back in the same situation where they could make the same mistake
Here’s what it can look like (I’ll use the example of baseball for a minute, but you can insert your sports situations):
An infielder misses a ground ball, the coach moves him to the outfield
A player overthrows a teammate, the coach takes his hat off and shakes his head
A player makes an error, the coach says something like (in a frustrated tone), “What are you doing!”
The outcome of these reactions from a coach over time usually creates players who are afraid to make mistakes.
The players learn to either shutdown or explode after mistakes.
They don’t develop grit or mental toughness, and they struggle to play present and stay emotionally regulated in practice and competition.
“The Better Way”
“The Better Way” to respond to mistakes is one that creates an environment where players and coaches view mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow.
Coaches who respond to mistakes with “The Better Way” do things like this:
Encouragement
They provide encouragement immediately after a mistake (the player already knows they messed up)
“That’s alright, let’s make the next play.”
Positive Framing
They frame mistakes in a way that is non-judgmental and provides an opportunity for learning
“I’m glad this happened now so that we can learn from it and it doesn’t happen again in the future!”
Direct Attention
They bring the attention of the player back to the present
“You’re good! What will you do if the ball comes to you again this time?”
Get Back on the Horse
After mistakes, they look to give the player another opportunity (especially in a practice setting) to make the play
“Let’s try this again and this time I want you to try to ___.”
In a game, they leave them in the game or in the same position to have another chance.
Questioning
They ask simple, open-ended questions to help players learn from mistakes.
“What would you do differently next time?”
“Tell me what happened there?”
“Tell me what you saw?”
FeedFORWARD
They give more FeedFORWARD (what to do next time) than feedback (talking about the mistake that already happened)
“Next time try ______.”
Credit to John Kessel - listen to Ep. 117 of the podcast
To sum it up:
The Common Way (Reaction) | The Better Way (Response) |
|---|---|
Focus on past errors | FeedFORWARD & Attention direction |
Sarcasm or Scolding | Encouragement and Teaching |
Removal/Punishment | Opportunities to try again - “Get Back on the Horse” |
The outcome of responding to mistakes with “The Better Way” is that a coach creates an environment where players feel believed in and don’t fear mistakes.
Players can give their best without the fear of being belittled, embarrassed, or pulled out for mistakes.
Players learn to view mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow, so they develop grit and mental toughness.
These players learn to play present, control what they can, and regulate their emotions in the heat of competition.
🧠 COACHING APPLICATION
A thought on how this could apply in your coaching or leadership context…
Take 5 min to write down your ideal response to mistakes
Rate your response to mistakes on a scale of 1 (bad) - 10 (good)
Write down 1 intentional way you’re going to respond differently to mistakes in your next practice or game
Thanks for reading, I hope this serves you on your journey.
To your growth,
Luke Gromer, RYG Athletics | A NIKE Sports Camp Provider
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